I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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