And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
