I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
