He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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