Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize