Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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