If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
