i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
