I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
