I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Boobs speak an international language.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
