I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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