did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
