Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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