Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
