I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
