My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am full of burrito and curiosity
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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