you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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