i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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