i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
