Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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