The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize