I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
