i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes