doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
