and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
