I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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