How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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