I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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