ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
