I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
