I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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