You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
