I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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