Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
