I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
