Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
