Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
