you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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