i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize