Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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