Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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