Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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