I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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