It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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