OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
