Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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