the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this will be a night to untag.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
