used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
