How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Randomize
