I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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