im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
