you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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