shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
