I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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