she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
