Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His nipple licking is glorious
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