YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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