...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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