If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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