Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
