We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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