So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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