Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
