I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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