Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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