I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
