I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
