Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
