yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
