Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize