I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
