Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
