I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
