Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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