That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
