These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
