well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
