I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
