see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
